http://www.thecornernews.com/index.php/tim_time/ en kellyrt@auburn.edu Copyright 2008 2008-05-05T21:21:00-06:00 http://www.thecornernews.com/index.php/tim_time/i-finally-did-it/ http://www.thecornernews.com/index.php/tim_time/i-finally-did-it/#When:20:21:00Z It’s finally that time.  I never thought this day would come, and neither did most of those who know me.  After four years at Auburn University (following two years of college at various other institutions), I will be walking across the stage this Saturday to hopefully receive my college diploma (my finance grade isn’t in yet).  It is a time like this when I need to look back over my college career and come to realize the lessons I’ve learned during my tenure as a student.  After all, what use is college if I take nothing with me when I’m done? • Just because a class doesn’t require attendance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t show up.  Professors know when you’re there, and more importantly, when your seat’s empty.  If you go to class every day and try to somewhat exert yourself, it really is difficult to fail that class.  When you’re studying for an exam, rather than having to teach yourself an entire unit, you can look at your study guide and say, “Oh yeah.  We went over this in class.” Plus, you might as well get used to it.  Life as a member of the work force isn’t nearly as accommodating to missed days. • I learned the proper method of writing a paper:  It only took me one night to write any paper.  It required one Adderall-fueled all-nighter (which I will get to later) and a slight amount of preparation.  You need to have two topics/theses ready for your paper.  Then you spend three hours accumulating sources and organizing them into a well-structured paper.  You then spend seven hours typing, and viola, you have a paper! • Never take Tums with Adderall.  Tums coats your stomach and does not allow the Adderall to work.  If you take both during the day, and you continue taking Tums throughout the day as well, the Tums will wear off around ten that evening, and then you will be awake for the foreseeable future. • You should never allow your birthday to pass without some sort of celebration.  You have an exam the next day?  You should have taken care of that at the beginning of the semester.  Whenever you begin a new class, look at the syllabus.  Then you say, “Dr. Such-and-such, I looked over our class schedule and couldn’t help but notice that we have a mid-term scheduled on Friday the 17th.  I will actually be out of town that weekend because my sister is getting married…in Seattle.” Done.  You’re welcome. • TAKE A ROAD TRIP SOMEWHERE OVER TEN HOURS AWAY!!!  The most critically important part of college is arguably the road trip.  Again, with a little planning and discussion with professors (see above bullet point), you can have a self-made six-day weekend for you and your friends to drive anywhere in this country.  I’ve taken three road trips to Chicago to see Cubs games, and I recommend you do the same…considering the directions are “Take I-65 N until it dead ends, then hang a left.” • When fleeing the bicycle cops from the downtown area, removing your clothes does not make you more aerodynamic (or at least not enough to equal out the intoxication) and is another violation of the law.  Believe you me: you don’t want to be handcuffed nude by a grown man dressed like a bumblebee. • Take advantage of full-day parties.  Mardi Gras, St. Patrick’s Day, and the night before dead day are always reasons for downtown bars to open at noon.  That’s right, noon.  There’s no better feeling than sitting at the bar at 2pm with a drink in your hand and not feeling like an alcoholic.  Brings you back to gamedays. For those of you arriving in Auburn as future students, heed my above warnings.  They may save you in the end.  For those of you still here as students, refer to this article as a checklist.  These are the things that helped make all six years of my college experience worthwhile (and last six years instead of four).  I will drop in every now and then and lend you my words of advice.  But until then, it’s been a hell of a ride, Auburn.  Until next time, have fun, and don’t get caught. 2008-05-05T20:21:00-06:00 http://www.thecornernews.com/index.php/tim_time/two-weeks-left/ http://www.thecornernews.com/index.php/tim_time/two-weeks-left/#When:18:23:00Z Two weeks from this evening, the greatest show on television will be returning.  That show is “The Office.” Michael Scott and the gang will make their triumphant return to the office of Dunder-Mifflin to deliver the funniest mishaps on television.  I have been deprived of pranks on Dwight and Andy that range from a take on Pavlov’s dog to encasing office supplies in jello to hiding a cell phone in the ceiling.  I want to watch the train wreck that is the relationship between Michael and Jan.  I miss Kevin’s laziness, Stanley’s condescending remarks, and Creed’s outright creepiness.  Tune in to NBC on April 10th for the return of NBC’s Thursday night comedy spectacular. 2008-03-27T18:23:00-06:00 http://www.thecornernews.com/index.php/tim_time/has-spring-sprung/ http://www.thecornernews.com/index.php/tim_time/has-spring-sprung/#When:19:24:00Z With the weather seemingly clearing, it’s time to begin enjoying springtime.  As soon as I finish this posting, I plan to immediately go outside and do exactly that.  Granted, as a ginger I heed to be cautious when out in the sun, but it is 72 degrees outside right now.  As I speak.  I will get burned for weather like this.  Just consider my frail skin a sacrifice to the gods so that they continue to bestow us with beautiful weather.  If such should happen, you may ask yourself, what should I do?  Here’s a few ways to njoy your afternoons and weekends.  You can go the the fields on S. Donahue, south of the Student Medical Center.  Let the dogs run around.  They are the ultimate ice-breakers.  And I’m not just talking to the guys.  There are plenty of you ladies going out to the field to meet some nice boyfriend.  Bring dogs.  My dog likes your dog, then I like you.  He speaks for me.  You don’t have a dog?  Well then try a chlorinated swimming hole, aka pool.  With beers and bathing suits, it’s hard to keep the sparks from flying.  If you have any suggestions for something to do on such a nice day, feel free to post a comment. 2008-03-26T19:24:00-06:00 http://www.thecornernews.com/index.php/tim_time/spring-has-sprung/ http://www.thecornernews.com/index.php/tim_time/spring-has-sprung/#When:19:13:00Z Despite the fluctuations in weather, Spring has obviously sprung.  Step outside.  The weather is gorgeous.  As I sit inside typing this, I urge you to get out there and enjoy this beautiful weather before it snows again.  You may be thinking aloud, “Well gee, Tim, what should I do?” Well, I have several answers: Take your dog to the park.  Don’t have one?  Steal/borrow your neighbor’s.  Dogs are almost as much of a social lubricant as booze.  Go golfing.  I’m just now getting into it.  It’s a game where you expect to do poorly, but if you hit a certain shot, it will make your day. Go jogging.  Be healthy.  When has that ever hurt? Get a pickup softball game.  It always involves fun and drinking whether your good or not. There are hundreds of other things you can do.  Get out there and enjoy this weather.  Do something you love, but do it outside. 2008-03-12T19:13:00-06:00 http://www.thecornernews.com/index.php/tim_time/just-hold-steady/ http://www.thecornernews.com/index.php/tim_time/just-hold-steady/#When:17:59:00Z Spring Break is almost here.  The anticipation is palpable...literally.  I can taste some high-class Vegas martinis already.  But I’ve got a test in two days.  Many of you may find yourselves in the same position I find myself: the inability to concentrate on schoolwork due to the anticipation of Spring Break.  I don’t know how to exactly correct this as, to be honest, I really haven’t fixed my problem, only curbed it.  I find it nearly impossible to just completely forget the upcoming vacation.  Just think of yourselves as in middle school.  Remember when you had that beach or ski trip that your friend invited you to attend along with his or her family?  Remember what your parents said when you asked if you could go?  “Only if you keep those grades up.” That’s how you’ve got to inspire yourself.  Tell yourself that you won’t be allowed to go on this trip if you come out of that exam with anything less than a passing grade (I don’t set the bar high, and it’s really, really hard for me to put it to the back of my mind).  Keep at it, Auburn students.  Spring Break will be here soon, but classwork and exams are here now.  Let’s knock it out.  Spring Break will mean that much more if you have to accomplish something to get there, believe me.  Until next time, have fun and don’t get caught. 2008-03-11T17:59:00-06:00 http://www.thecornernews.com/index.php/tim_time/trying-to-move-on-from-a-tragedy/ http://www.thecornernews.com/index.php/tim_time/trying-to-move-on-from-a-tragedy/#When:21:17:00Z Surely by now you all know of the terrible tragedy that is the shooting death of Auburn student Lauren Burk.  From her friends’ accounts, she was a fun-loving young woman that lit up the room whenever she walked in.  She is a great friend to these people, and this tragic loss is one that they will never forget.  However, there is something we all can do.  There will be a vigil service held on campus in her honor tonight (Thursday the 6th) at the campus chapel.  If you have any information about her murder, be it just a hunch, please call the tipline at its local number (501-7337) or its toll-free number (888-522-7847).  The governor’s office is offering a $10,000 reward for information leading to the capture of the person who cut short such a beautiful life. Lauren’s picture from her senior yearbook 2008-03-06T21:17:00-06:00 http://www.thecornernews.com/index.php/tim_time/a-mustachioed-update/ http://www.thecornernews.com/index.php/tim_time/a-mustachioed-update/#When:19:15:00Z Many of you may have forgotten about my investigative pledge to not shave my upper lip for the entirety of lent.  My facial resurgence still rages strongly, for those of you still interested.  You see, I still have what some can roughly call “a beard”, kind of like how some people call “Daddy Day Camp” a “film.” Regardless of the patchiness, there is facial hair on my face (redundant enough?), and the most consistently growing patch is that which rests upon my upper-lip.  Soon it will be time.  Soon the beard comes off, but the moustache stays.  God Bless Freedom! I am ready for my moustache!! 2008-03-03T19:15:00-06:00 http://www.thecornernews.com/index.php/tim_time/my-world/ http://www.thecornernews.com/index.php/tim_time/my-world/#When:19:42:01Z In another attempt at being some sort of an investigative journalist, I have decided to apply to be a roommate on the next edition of MTV’s “The Real World.” This will be a grassroots campaign, seeing as I do not have the face or figure of your typical Real World roommate.  But if we get enough votes, I think we can do this.  I have decided to appeal to them by telling them I have a drinking problem and “daddy issues.” I am at a life’s crossroads, etc.  First I need to make a tape to submit to them.  I need the help of you, the reader, for ideas of what exactly I should do.  Please feel free to post a comment on this blog with any of your ideas.  With your help, I can be the new guy with the drinking problem. 2008-02-29T19:42:01-06:00 http://www.thecornernews.com/index.php/tim_time/its-a-good-movie-rush/ http://www.thecornernews.com/index.php/tim_time/its-a-good-movie-rush/#When:20:32:00Z It’s a good time to enjoy movies.  The Oscars were last weekend.  “The Darjeeling Limited” came out on DVD this week.  “Semi-Pro” opens in theaters tomorrow, as does “City of Men,” the sequel to my favorite foriegn film, “City of God.” “Into the Wild” comes out on DVD next week.  You’ll never again hear me say this, but there’s a horror movie I’m looking forward to seeing in 2 weeks: “Funny Games U.S.” with Tim Roth and Noami Watts, which is basically supposed to be a darkly comic horror movie.  All in all, we have a good batch of movies to hold us over until the summer blockbuster movies, so dig in and enjoy.  Oh yeah...that and there’s now penny beers at Bourbon Street from 7 to 9 so you can slap on a good buzz for cheap before going to see a movie. Trailer for “Funny Games U.S.”: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0808279/trailers-screenplay-E34965-314 2008-02-28T20:32:00-06:00 http://www.thecornernews.com/index.php/tim_time/my-dreams-are-shattering/ http://www.thecornernews.com/index.php/tim_time/my-dreams-are-shattering/#When:21:21:00Z In an interview with CNBC, Chicago Cubs owner Sam Zell admitted that he would not hesitate to sell the naming rights for Wrigley Field.  The team and the stadium are on the market, but separately.  He plans to sell the two to different bidders.  For those of you who don’t know, I have been a lifelong Cubs fan.  I broke my hand after the Bartman incident.  I take road trips to Chicago every summer so see a few games at Wrigley, but soon I may not be able to do so.  He wants to rename Wrigley.  What the f-ck!!!!!  Are you kidding me?  It’s like trying to rename The United States of America.  We’ve been able to make fun of our cross-town rivals, the White Sox, because they did exactly that:  they sold out their field-naming rights to U.S. Cellular.  My only hope is that Mark Cuban purchases the team and field.  He is a man who is a true sports fan, and I feel he would recognize the honor that the field’s name holds.  Please buy the team, Mr. Cuban.  Don’t let my dreams die...or at least win a World Series while you’re still playing at Wrigley Field. 2008-02-27T21:21:00-06:00