There’s no doubt that, as a soldier, being at war is scary. Soldiers must be on alert at all times or their lives could be at stake. But what about the families of these soldiers? They are left at home not knowing the status of their loved one. They must sometimes go for weeks, or even months, without speaking to them and are only left to worry.

Twenty-three-year-old Jason McInnis, of Ino, Ala., joined the Army to get money for college when he was only 17.

“I pretty much decided at the start of my senior year because down around where we live if you don’t have a college degree you’re not going to get a decent job,” he said. “I joined to military to do my four years and see how it goes.”

McInnis said his mother was the most reluctant about him joining the military, but that his dad knew it would help him get a good education and later a good job. Because McInnis was only 17, his parents had to sign consent forms to grant him entry into the Army.

“The recruiter said my mom was really reluctant to sign the papers,” McInnis said. “He even said my dad had to think twice.”
McInnis’ twin brother Matthew and his older brother Lee wasn’t surprised by his decision to join the Army. Matthew said he even considered it himself to get money for college, but was fortunate enough to receive an academic scholarship.

“There wasn’t a whole lot I think I could have told him to change his mind,” Matthew said.

Lee added that he didn’t think McInnis had intentions to go straight to college, so his decision seemed logical to him.

“Jason didn’t seem like he wanted to go straight to college, so I figured he’d do something with the Army, Air Force, Marines, one of those three,” he added.

The family didn’t have long to get used to McInnis’ decision before he was deployed on his first tour to Iraq. McInnis went to basic training in August of 2003 and was deployed to Iraq in February.

The family, including McInnis’ father Johnny, said the deployment was hardest on McInnis’ mother, Meryl.

“It was really hard on his mother,” Johnny said. “We were surprised he was deployed as quickly as he was. I kind of handled it pretty good, but he was only 18 and turned 19 in downtown Baghdad. So, that kinda got off with us, him being deployed as quick as he was.”

McInnis himself wasn’t surprised when the news of his deployment came.

“I knew that there was an extremely good possibility that I would go at least one time,” he said. “I didn’t have a problem going. I was kinda reluctant because you don’t know what to expect. You’re nervous but your anxious to go there and do what you have to do.”

McInnis’ military occupational skill was combat engineering. The main focus for the role is taking out mine fields and dealing with explosives. This aspect of his part in the Army is what scared his brothers the most.

“The part that scared me the most was that he was handling explosives and was on the road all of the time,” Lee said. “They had several people in his unit killed by car bombs and shot by snipers. It did bother me, but I tried to put it in the back of my head.”

On McInnis’ first tour to Iraq he stayed for 12 months. For the first six months his platoon pulled guard duty on a prison camp just outside of Baghdad where Saddam Hussein was being held. McInnis said they pulled several shifts a day guarding the perimeter in towers. He couldn’t even tell his family where he was, but he said they would have had no reason to worry.

“I did nothing but sit in a guard tower and wait,” he said. “It was honestly the most boring thing I’ve ever done in my life.”

The last six months would have been more worrisome for his family. McInnis was part of a personal security team for an Australian and Navy POD team. He and his platoon drove the team around while they disposed of improvised explosive devices (IEDs) and car bombs. After one of the two would blow, the team would do a post-blast analysis to determine if it was homemade or military grade.

McInnis said he didn’t see much gunfire on his first tour. He said people would pop shots or throw grenades at their vehicles, but they’d usually be moving so quickly that it wouldn’t hit them.

When McInnis came back from his first tour, he said his family was extremely relieved, but it wasn’t long until he was deployed again.
“I did my first tour and I wasn’t even back in the states yet and I came down on orders to go up to Kansas and they were going right back overseas,” McInnis said.

But the second time, McInnis’ family knew more of what to expect.

“The second time it was bad, but not as bad,” Lee said. “The first time he had just gotten out of high school and hadn’t even been graduated nine months and he was already in Iraq.”

McInnis said he was at a bigger base the second time and got to communicate with his family more on the phone and through email, but his mom still had the roughest time.

“It was really, really hard on her,” Lee added. “She cried a lot. I tried to talk to her as much as I could to try to get her mind off of it some.”
Lee and Matthew said they just tried to keep their minds occupied to not think about their brother being at war.

“It was pretty tough on me because Jason and I are twins and are really close,” Matthew said. “But I just always tried to keep myself busy. I’d think about what if something happens, but I tried not to dwell on it too much. I’d just let those thoughts pass and try to get my mind on something else.”
Another member of the family that deployment takes a toll on is the soldier’s significant other.

Chanda McNeme, 30, of Ashburn, Va., has been married to her husband, Brett, for 10 years, all of which he’s spent in the Air Force.
Captain Brett McNeme is an Intel officer with Special Operations and has one of the highest security clearances available. Which means, most of his work is top secret.

“I have no idea what he does,” McNeme said. “When he goes to Afghanistan or Iraq I don’t even know where he goes. It’s very top secret.”

Chanda and Brett met in college and he joined the ROTC soon after. The ROTC basically grooms members to be officers and when they graduate they are commissioned as an officer in the United States Air Force. Chanda said she doesn’t think he had definite intentions to make a career out of it, but that now he’s in it for the long run. She said she thought it would be exciting for him, but Brett’s mother was against his career choice.

“His mom was very upset about it and talked to me a lot wanting me to convince him not to go through with it,” McNeme said. “But I didn’t feel like it was my place.”

Brett did keep his career choice and 10 years later the McNemes have lived around the world from Florida to Japan. The couple have two children, Keely, 7; and Ainsley, 4; and McNeme said that their last move this past August from Crestview, Fla., to Ashburn, Va. was the hardest on the kids.
“Before, they were little and it was more exciting,” she said. “Now that Keely’s in school it’s harder.”

Brett is deployed out of the state or country at least once a month. The time ranges from a few days to a few months.

McNeme said the hardest part about him being gone is that she has to take care of everything alone.

“When he’s gone it’s me with the girls 24-7,” she said. “When he’s here, he at least comes home at dinner time and has a couple of hours, and I get a couple hour break.”

She said that not always knowing exactly where he is and if he is in danger is sometimes hard on her, but she tries not to focus on it.
“I can’t be a good mom if I’m worried about him,” she said. “I have to focus on them and their needs. They’re still little and if I’m completely out of my head with worry than I can’t give them what they need and be there for them.”

McNeme said that she actually has a rule with her family that they can’t call her and tell her that there has been a helicopter crash in Afghanistan or Iraq because she doesn’t know any more than they do.

“My mother-in-law doesn’t follow that rule though,” she added with a laugh.

She said she doesn’t always get to talk to Brett when he’s away, but she tries to keeps herself occupied and have a close support system.
“We look to our church for that,” she said. “I get involved in mom’s groups and things like that. I’m very outgoing and it’s easy for me to make friends. That helps when he’s gone.

She also offered advice to other spouses.

“The important thing is just to keep busy. If you’re just sitting at home all day you’re going to start worrying and fretting and then you’ll start counting the days since he’s called or emailed. So, it’s just easier for me to be out and about with the kids.”

When their family does return, sometimes family members have to deal with their personality differences, good or bad. McInnis has decided to leave the Army, but has only been back from his second tour to Iraq for about four and a half months.

“I guess anyone is different if you’re not around them for a long time,” Matthew said about his brother Jason. “He seems a little more high strung and more easily irritated. I guess being out on your own and especially being in the military would do that.”

Lee said his brother does seem a little more distant at times, but for the most part is still the brother he grew up with.
McInnis said he feels being deployed has changed him too.

“I feel like it makes me a little more outgoing,” he said. “The only thing that really bothers me now is real crowded places. Just being around a lot of people, I don’t know, it makes me really nervous.”

Some people with family at war need a little more support. Support groups like Daily Strength (dailystrength.org), Military Wives (militarywives.com), and Military Family Support (militaryfamilysupport.org), are just a few.

Michael Hitchins is the founder and executive director of Military Family Support and said he has a lot of friends and family in the military and started the group as his way to give back.

Hitchins said the group provides support to anyone in need.

“Generally if you live near the base, you don’t live near your extended family and vice versa,” he said. “Either way you are away from one major source of support. It is nice to know you are not alone and that other people are having the same worries and concerns as you are.”
However the family deals with their loved ones at war, one thing they all agree on is that it is hard, especially since there’s nothing they can do.
“Just hope for the best,” Lee said. “That’s all you really can do.”