Jack Nicholson is on the extremely short list of people who could probably get away with anything. So, it’s no surprise that the world gets a kick out of him being a womanizing asshole. In a recent interview for “Men’s Journal” he said he can’t commit to one woman and that thinking he could live the married life was a mistake.
“We have more in common with a male dog that we do with a woman in this department. This may be male chauvinism in a certain context. But, baby, it’s also science.” See? He threw in that “baby,” which made everything he just said okay on non-offensive.
Jack went on to speculate about the number of illegitimate children he’s got: “There could be 9,000 for all I know - I used to live so freely. You can’t get too wild these days but I’m as wild as you can get.”
The thought of there being 9,000 Nicholspawn out there just brightens my day. Fear not, 20-year old women, there will be a 60-year old houndog out there somewhere to take care of you for six to eight months.
In unsurprising news, TMZ caught Britney Spears on camera shoplifting a $1.39 lighter from a gas station. As she walked out, she turned to the camera and said, “I stole something, oh I’m bad!” Finally! Rock-solid evidence to put her behind bars for 7 and a half minutes!
People are always wondering why Paris Hilton acts the way she does - and finally we have the answer, from Randy Jones of the Village People, no less. He said of Paris’ parents Kathy and Rick Hilton:
“There was one rock of cocaine left, and it rolled off the table. They just didn’t even bother bringing it back up to a hard surface - they just crushed it into the carpet and snorted it off that. Whatever Paris Hilton is, she came by it honestly.” Is it even possible to snort cocaine off a carpet? Especially in the ‘70s, they probably had some shag carpeting in their nasal cavity after that one.
Finally, who knew that “High School Musical” would spawn a lesbian relationship? Apparently Vanessa Hudgens is sick of her life partner Zac Efron being a sissy.
A source said, “She wants to take a man, not a little girl. [She] told Zac to stop being such a sissy and freaking out when he gets blemishes.” Also, Zac threw a hissy fit when he got a zit on his cheek and was too nervous to go to Vanessa’s sister’s birthday party.

“He just flipped out. He knew there were a bunch of girls at the party who worship him - and he didn’t want them all staring at his pimple.” I’m sure he’s no stranger to makeup of all sorts, but it’s more fun to imagine him locking himself in the bathroom, crying and screaming about how ugly he is.